Debarred

June 02, 2011

It's enrollment day for UST College of Science irregular students. A day that was supposed to be my enrollment day. I would be particularly happy about today too... Today is enrollment for incoming 4th year irregulars, separate from all other year levels. I wouldn't have to suffer long lines for clearance or encoding. The line in the Dean's Office wouldn't be too long either. I wish I was there. I wish I could still be a part of it. I wish I could still be a part of UST. I wsih I could have made it to 4th year. I wish I could have graduated there.

My heart, my chest... it feels so heavy. It's like the heaviest thing in the world now... It's pulling me down. It's pulling me down so hard. I can literally feel the weight. I find some relief in distractions like computer games and movies. But once the distraction is over, that weight once again takes over. Instantaneously, never gradual, out of nowhere, pulling me down.

I feel like a boulder is crushing me and I am in and out of consciousness. The distractions are like dreams in the "passed out" part. But when I come to and gain consciousness, I get faced with reality... A BOULDER IS CRUSHING ME.